Distracted

The past couple of weeks have been hard for me. I've been trying to sort out a lot of feelings I'm having, but the only product I see from these efforts reflects the vague, shiftless existential shit I felt as a late adolescent. Some psychologists argue adolescent development continues to take place throughout the twenties. I know this must be true because I've met some thirty year olds who didn't yet hear that they are out of time.

On one hand, I've been facing a lot of changes in our house. Tara has stopped working and is trying to be a full time student in the fall, and my work, which usually keeps me quite busy and preoccupied, has dropped off as it is want to do in the summer. This makes me incredibly uneasy. Tara's assistantship search is ongoing, not yet fruitful, and frustratingly managed on the resume-receiving end. Deadlines are not deadlines to UMass, so there has been a lot of unplanned waiting. Oh, and then after that? More waiting.

In addition, a student who planned to enter this June called us two days before she was supposed to arrive. She had found a lump in her throat and was being tested for thyroid cancer. She assumed that she would be able to begin the program, but wanted to give it a few days until something conclusive in the tests came back from the lab. Two days later we got a call from her, and it wasn't thyroid cancer. In fact, it was a terribly agressive form of lymphoma, and before she even left the office where she got the diagnosis, they began treatment. In three days, her life changed entirely. In the ensuing weeks the treatment she is undergoing is so severe that she has already lost all of her hair, is so weak she can't sit up, and has to be on a special ward in the hospital because she is drastically susceptable to infection. She is twenty six. Oh, and that lump in her throat? A lymphoma that had actually grown from her abdomen, through her chest cavity, and into her throat.

This hit me particularly hard, because at the same time we celebrated Tara's 26th birthday. It was a wonderful day, but I could not get the reality of the other situation out of my head. What if that was me? Or, oh my god, Tara? How do we live our lives today knowing that something could change so drastically in such a short period of time? Last year my coworker's godson was diagnosed with cancer. He has since been treated and given a clean bill of health, but the last year after diagnosis, and in the aftermath, the family is still recovering in a number of ways. He is seventeen.

I am so incredibly grateful for everything in my life. I am learning to express that everyday, so if something ever happens, I know that everyone knows that. This is the only way I know how to find peace.

Courage sister
you do not walk alone
I will walk with you
and sing your spirit home

27 times

Well, it's only been done 27 times in in 200+ years, so why not amend it to show that we hate gays?

Too bad -- they didn't win!

How did your senator vote? Check it out here.

Thanks, NY and MA, and all the other senators who voted nay for good reasons. Oh, and thanks to those who voted nay because you're conservative enough not to want to change the freakin' constitution of the United States. Bush is a crazy motherfucker.

Crazy, I tell you.

You're on my shit list: Alabama, Alaska, Georgia, Idaho, Kansas, Kentucky, Mississippi, Missouri, North Carolina, Ohio, Oklahoma, South Carolina, Tennessee, Texas, Utah, Virginia and Wyoming. All of these states voted with a double YAY to pass the amendment. These states also have the dubious distinction of having 894 of the deaths of US soldiers in Iraq since the current war began. Of the total deaths this represents over 36% of those who have died so far. Senators, please, bring your state's children HOME.

And Wyoming, how you haven't learned your lesson. You might remember this story from the last time you forgot about your responsibility to protect people.

Renewal of vows

Dear four readers of my blog -

I have not abandoned you. I simply have been juggling minor personal, work-related, and academic crises. I have returned and now can resume more regular updates. I missed you, and I'm sure you sat around crying because you missed me so damn much. Here's a synopsis:

personal crisis: mostly resolved
work-related crisis: CASE CLOSED
academic crisis: semester is over and grades are in. I got an A-. And yes, the perfectionist in my is really annoyed by that little "-", especially considering no one in the class got feedback after the first two papers, as in, NONE. And there were six total. And I got an A on both of the ones I got back. But you know, whatever. He's the Chancellor, so I suppose I have to live with it.

In other news, I'm reading and seething about this.

Is this OK with you? If not, tell somebody!

Faithfully ruining families on your behalf,
Gay Larry