Ooooooh, FACE!

I'm sorry that Facebook has taken over my blogging desire.

What bad habits I'm developing.

Thanksgiving list 2008

Danika and Sarah write these every year, so sometimes I do, too:

1. To be in our own, sweet and little home, something I've longed for for years.
2. The ability to travel, especially in celebration of big life events.
3. Graduating from grad school.
4. Four years of loving, supportive, mutual, partnered, challenging, growing and exciting marriage full of endless possibilities.
5. Being 90 minutes from the ocean.
6. Many healthy babies who either arrived this year, will arrive next year or who thrive now.
7. Relatively spontaneous visits with friends over coffee, even if we haven't seen each other in over two years.
8. Concord grapes, pears and fresh local peaches.
9. Planting a garden with Mom.
10. Remembering everyday something about my gram, and tearing up but treasuring it.
11. Le Creuset.
12. Medications and modern science that have made misbehaving parts of my body fall in line again.
13. Hammocks in Mexico with my love.
14. Laying on the furniture-less deck, looking up at the sky with Tara.
15. Seeing how my nephews change and grow at every blink of an eye.
16. Being a Godparent.
17. Quiet moments in worship when the only thing I feel is peace brought on by prayer.
18. Chai latte.
19. Apples and apples and more apples. Apple pie. Apple bread. Apple cake. Apple crumble. Apple cider. Apple with caramel.
20. Being a gay-married, liberal socialist in a blue state.
21. Hope.
22. Obama.
23. Change.
24. Learning to slow down, even if I'm terrible at it.
25. New kitties, who need love and a good home.
26. New England.

Prop 8

An interesting photo essay on Prop 8. I have to say: the results have got me down almost as much as this picture taken as people celebrate banning gay marriage rights in CA.


http://www.latimes.com/news/local/la-me-gaymarriage5-2008nov05,0,1545381.story

#31 - Elect a president of color

I AM SPEECHLESS.

Things I Hope to See or Do Before I Die: 21 - 30

21. Bake bread for family dinner most days of the week.
22. Own only hybrid cars and/or become a 1 car family.
23. Make peace with any past trauma.
24. Take a professional cooking class.
25. Learn how to decorate cakes!
26. Croissant. Paris. Eiffel Tower.
27. See and touch Antarctica.
28. Witness Aurora Borealis.
29. Enter a photo contest, even if it's small beans.
30. Camp in the Rocky Mountains.

Things I Hope to See or Do Before I Die: 11 - 20

11. Complete a 30 Tiny Moments collection.
12. Visit my Vietnamese grandparents' grave site.
13. Have a baby, or two.
14. Learn how to play guitar.
15. Become a runner.
16. Jump into Halong Bay off the side of a boat.
17. Learn Italian.
18. Go back to school for another advanced degree.
19. Get better at knitting, and making quilts.
20. Can/freeze enough seasonal fruit and vegetables to last the year.

Things I Hope to See or Do Before I Die: 1 - 10

1. Set foot in each of the fifty states in the US.
2. Go snorkeling in Belize.
3. Drink a coffee at a Parisian cafe.
4. Climb/hike a 10,000+ mountain.
5. Learn how to weave.
6. Successfully plant, nurture and grow at least one fruit tree the bears edible fruit.
7. Visit my grandmother's grave at least once a year.
8. Bungee jump.
9. Grow all of the produce we eat (in the harvest months).
10: Conquer my fear of bees.

Waiting

I can't wait to have a baby so I have a good excuse to abandon writing on this blog (that isn't laziness) and just post pictures of my wee one(s).

Tear In Your Hand

If you want to find yourself crying at your desk for no apparent reason, go to Pandora and listen to the Cat Power results you get when you create a new station, then sit back with open ears.

I am obsessed with Cat Power right now, and in today's mix I discovered more new music: Frou Frou, A Fine Frenzy, Sia and Rosie Thomas.

I need more tissues. Not sure why I'm feeling down and weepy today. Could be the lack of sleep and the major life change I experienced this weekend.

::clutches self tightly and rocks::

Here! Here!

I cried Friday listening to my friend Ann Marie give a phenomenal speech which touched on many of the feelings I've been struggling with since April of this year.

With the doctoral degree that I am receiving, I become the second doctor in a very large extended family of passionate, loving, complex, and gifted people. While the diploma I will soon receive bears my name and is something that I will hold dear for the rest of my life, it is not solely mine. This doctorate comes with the knowledge that many, many people in my family have withstood and survived the viciousness of racial discrimination and the humiliating, dehumanizing effects of poverty in hopes that their children and grandchildren, my generation, would not have to endure these hideous cruelties. All of these fine, hard working, loving people always encouraged me to read more, study harder, and pursue higher education - a privilege that was out of reach and beyond the realm of possibility for most of them.

Hello, Dolly!

Well, if you were ever curious about what a tropical storm looks like, here you go! This is actually the tail end of Dolly, filmed in Mexico as the center of the storm mutated into a category 2 hurricane in the Gulf of Mexico and headed towards Texas.

On slickness, for Jenna

So, I'm on the phone with Jenna during my lunch hour, hanging out in my office. I'm kicked back in my chair. Maxing. Relaxing, even. During this upward tilt, I notice that the recessed portion of the ceiling is COVERED in spider webs. And not just spider webs, but DUSTY spider webs. Eww.

In my efforts to continually improve upon my own genius, I imagine the ways in which I can undo those dusty spider webs, despite the 14 foot ceiling in my office. Necessity is the mother of invention, and aha! I have a yard stick! It's not long enough, but ahoy! I have an umbrella. So I affix with transparent tape the last six inches of the yard stick to the pointed end of the umbrella. A little wobbly, but it will work. It even has a handle! To the other end of the yard stick (the ceiling end) I ball up a deliciously wasteful ball of transparent tape and begin to swing wildly at the dusty jungle vines hanging from above. Whoops! I surge forward and *stick* goes the ball, crusty in its gray furry coating, and now securely lodged fourteen feet above me, spider web tentacles hanging.

Crap. What do I do with a wobbly reacher stick thing that's almost falling apart and a ball of tape high above my head. Could this ball stuck to the ceiling really bother me less than if I had just left the frakking thing alone to begin with?!

But aha! I super-double affix yet another tape ball to the end, reinforce the six inch connector portion between the umbrella and the yard stick with masking tape, and with some good work and a little leverage, I remove the whole entire thing from its ceiling perch.

Now, that's slick, folks.

Self-Tagged!

Based on this post over at A Crunchy Life (thanks, Jenna, for the link!), I am completing the list of my own. What would your list look like?

What was I doing ten years ago?

• I had just finished my sophomore year of college.
• I was starting a teaching position with Summerbridge in Portland.
• My new found freedom in Portland and separation from what had been five solid years of boyfriendedness/relationships allowed me to learn a million important things about myself, what I needed and wanted, and how to be alone and happy.
• I was gearing up for my junior year of college, questioning my sexuality and learning how to knit better.
• I treasured what I knew were the last good days with my grandmother, even though our visits were infrequent.
• Mostly I was broke and without major worries, and I felt optimistic.
• I was working on building an adult relationship with my parents, but mostly with my mother. It would be many years before we were good communicators with each other.
  

Five Things on My To-Do List:

• Stick to a budget.
• Get through the first-time homebuying madness without dying.
• Enjoy myself on vacation, for it may be the last for some time!
• Spend more time with family and friends once the house situation settles down, and during what I hope is more free time now that grad school is over. (I didn't expect to replace that time obligation quite so quickly with endless house maintenance and improvements!)
• Craft more, especially in memory of my grandmother, who would want that. This would including canning, like making jam, butter pickles and pears in syrup.
  

Snacks I Enjoy:

• bananas with cheddar cheese
• edamame
• granola bars
• juice
• chocolate chip cookies
• any fruit
• baby carrots
• pudding!
  

If I were a billionaire:

• Like Crunchy Life, I'd pay off all debt for my family and friends.
• I'd make all of the Wish List changes to our new house, including a vaulted ceiling on the 2nd floor with skylights and other delicious features that probably would include some kind of extension or addition to what is already there.
• I'd take my family on vacation for a month so we could spend time together.
• I'd buy a hybrid vehicle.
• I would still try to have "my own" children, but also plan to adopt or foster kids who need a loving family.
• I'd quit my job and go back to school, either for my MBA, or a degree in nursing or my EdD.
• I'd begin a research and scholarship foundation to support students from underserved Asian American student populations that would support improving their local public high school and also provide scholarships for college.
• I'd make a craft/sewing room in my house, and fill it with crafty goodness and craft. And teach my kids to craft. And craft things for other people...

...this part of the list could go on and on...

What's on your list?

May I just say?

I am so tired of cleaning up pee off of the toilets seats at work. Now, I am not the youngest person who works in this building, but I am also certainly not the oldest. In fact, I fall well below the average age in this building, so if I've learned to control the flow of my urine and/or clean up after myself, why haven't YOU?

Just sayin'.

Wondering...

I'm sneaking in a quick email check during the conference, and while I'm at the library I'm wondering: why are the library chairs more comfortable than my expensive office chair? That I sit in. For eight hours. Everyday?

College priorities. That's why.

Eeek!

We are swamped at work right now with the conference coming in Thursday. On top of that, we *may* just be buying a house.

Oh crap.

and :-).

For laughs

Like really? For real?

Images: Baptism

Andrea with Gus.


Gus handling the baptismal water like a pro!

Yogurt: The Official Food of Women

Are you sick of all of those lame yogurt commercials targeting women, and their unrequited and insatiable love of all things yogurt?

"The I-have-a-Master's, but-then-I-got-married-look!"

This has me cracking up. Thanks for the link, Jenna!

What a wonderful weekend!

Although I'm exhausted and this week at work is GOING TO KILL ME (Open House today, meeting in Boston tomorrow that STARTS at 8:30 am, CE weekend A...) we had a wonderful weekend. Friday I was completely exhausted and fell asleep on the couch at 9 PM. Even though I had to get up early Saturday morning, I still slept almost ten hours, and it felt SO GOOD.

Saturday morning I got up and made fruit salad to bring the Lisa and Tanya's house for breakfast with Tanya's family and friend Elspeth. We had a lovely breakfast, then hung for a little while but rushed home to clean quickly before Tara's parents arrived. Once they arrived, we went out to dinner at Paul & Elizabeth's (one of my favorite joints!) to find out it was Northampton Restaurant Week, and all participating restaurants had special three course menus for $20.08 per person. I enjoyed a lovely antipasto platter with some delicious tapanade, a linguine with pesto and fresh shrimp entree, and a slice of carrot cake with maple frosting. MMMM mmmm!

Sunday morning we got up early to all get ready for church, and we met the Favorites and practically the entire Favorite family at church to prepare for Gus's baptism. He was a dream. He was cheery and engaging and bouncy the whole 1/2 hour before services, and then was an angel during the prelude and welcome. During the order of baptism he was goofy, smiling at everyone, staring at the fans high above on the ceiling and just generally being silly and laughing! And laughing! Then laughing more! He was making everyone in the church laugh! He handled the baptismal water well - my guess is it probably felt good because it was about 1,000,000 degrees in the church by 10:15. Soon after the baptism (I only cried once) he had a bottle, then napped for the remainder of the service. On the first note of the organ playing the postlude, he sat bolt upright in Tanya's arms, caught Tara's and my eyes, and grinned an unbelievable ear to ear grin as if to say, "Hi! How long have you been here? I love you!" It was very, very sweet.

Lisa and Tanya had a lovely party and we hung out for a long time. Among the other gifts we gave them in honor of the baptism (donations made in his name for a month's worth of education for one girl in India, moringa and apple trees in developing countries) we also wrote him this letter:

________________________________________________________

Dear Gus,

It will be a long time before you can read and understand this letter fully, but we find it no less important to try to explain to you the importance of you in our lives. Today we became your Godparents, so there is no more fitting a time for us to tell you how much we love you and how very, very dear you are to us.

We continue to talk almost daily about you, the ways in which you change and grow, and how your own exploration of the world around you, your sense of wonder, discovery and curiosity, is a lesson that informs our own ability to explore and discover the world around us. Through you, we are able to see the world from a different perspective, one supple with innocence, openness and love. You are a gift. And we love you more than you can understand.

We have both had an interesting and sometimes complicated journey toward discovering our own spiritual and religious selves. On the day that we were married, we felt God's presence like on no other day ever in our lives. We were surrounded by our parents and siblings, plunked in the middle of a fragrant and blooming annual garden in Northampton on what was one of the most beautiful days we had ever seen. The sun shined so brightly that we both got a little sunburned during our brief wedding ceremony. Reverend Andrea, the same pastor who baptized you today, married us. We all huddled and cried and celebrated and it was then that we realized the true beauty of God's grace. We were not supposed to be anywhere but right there at that moment, amid the collective love of our families, surrounded by the full blossoming of nature around us, with nothing between us and the heavens - it was a perfect moment of God's grace.

There are other moments of God's grace in our lives. Our two nephews, Harrison and Griffin, are examples of that. Our families are a continued blessing. As are the thousands of perfect moments we share with each other. Moments we will share with you and your moms, and those that we will share with our own children sometime in the future. Since the moment you were conceived you were part of God's perfect plan, and we hope that we continue to learn from you. We can't wait to watch our love for you grow, for you to grow up in a household and a family in which our love for you knows no bounds.

In that love we hope you grow to understand how to love others – how to be passionate and wise and to love your neighbor as yourself. We hope that you learn to love the planet and nature and how to become a good steward of the Earth. We hope that you stand up for others when they are hurt, to love deeply and to be brave. We hope that you will love to learn and help others. We hope that you will feel strong and smart and full and cared for and well-loved. We hope you will someday discover something you are passionate about, or many things you are passionate about, and that you will follow your passion with humility and courage. We hope that you will journey with us so that we all discover new ways to love, to be passionate and to seek justice for those who experience injustice.

Thank you for the gift of your love and your life, and for allowing us to walk with you.

Love Always,
Val and Tara
________________________________________________________

All it all, it was an INSANE weekend, but it was really lovely, and I wouldn't trade it for the world.

And now Tara and I are Godmommies, so the real work begins!

Image: PITA

Today when I spoke on the phone with Jenna, she dared to say, "I can't believe you haven't uploaded any of your graduation pics yet!" as though as I have no right to do whatever the FUCK I WANT RIGHT NOW (I have earned that right, haven't I?!) So, I thought I'd post this for her.

So, Jenna, this is for you. It's a bone. To get you off of my back. A picture for all to see from graduation, just for you. I love you, dear! And I hope you're still talking to me right now.

The Red Envelope Response (he he he)

Subject: [CM] Re: He may be their Dad, but he'll always be your man.

Dear Valerie Hooper-Lindros,

Thank you for contacting RedEnvelope. My sincere apologies that we sent out an email that was so gender specific. We understand that not all of our clients are married or heterosexual, and it was definitely not our intention to cause any offense to anyone. I have filed a Customer Experience Report which included a copy of your email to be submitted to our Headquarters to alert them of this presumptuous error.

We would like to take a moment to express our gratitude for taking the time to contact us. Without your input, we would never be able to grow as a company. We also realize that we will not succeed unless we go the extra mile.

In closing, we would like to apologize for the assumption that was made.

If you have any additional questions or concerns, our Customer Service staff is available 7 days a week from 6am - 9pm PST. Click on Customer Service at www.redenvelope.com for a live chat with a representative, or call toll-free 1-877-RedEnvelope (1-877-733-3683). Thank you again for contacting RedEnvelope, and please visit us again soon.

How to tick me off

Send me emails with this subject line, simply because I am a female customer:

He may be their Dad, but he'll always be your man.

Needless to say, I sent a little nugget of an email over their customer service department.

Image: Bruise

And here's where I show you the mysterious bruise I got on my leg during graduation:

Video: Typical Saturday Morning

I'll leave out the video of the part where Tara and I stay in bed late on Saturday mornings, and instead share this video with you. Saturday is the only day we get to sleep in, so Bob loves to come snuggle and cuddle early in the morning and sleep in with us. And this is the typical event that ensues:

Last uncontacted tribes

Sarah shared this with me and I am obsessed with the story now.

New commitment

Tara and I have a new commitment! Aside from the other things we are using to fill our free(-ish) time now that I'm done with school (mainly house-hunting, excessive demands at work, and vacations!), we are committing to training to walk a half marathon! During June we will just be doing some general physical get-in-shape kind of stuff, but in July we start training. We're doing it on our own (with the help of a self-printed guide from prevention.com) so hopefully we won't lose our motivation. We need cheerleaders! That's YOU!

The training includes a mixture of workouts, including rest days, something-other-than-walking days, short walks, long walks, in-between walks, and culminates (hopefully) in a 13.1 mile round trip walk. I measured, and it's 13.1 miles exactly to Amherst from Northampton on the bike path.

Here's to our adventure!

Image: What a way to go out!

My last semester grades are UP! Two As! And an overall grad school GPA of 3.918. I am damning those three A-minuses I got! (Click the image for a better view.)

Image: Return to the land!

I'll post about graduation weekend soon. Until then, thanks for the calls and cards and visits!

Going dark

The family arrives today/tomorrow to participate in/witness my graduation, so I'm disappearing until all the festivities are over.

I'll be back with pictures to post soon!

Jenna is almost here! (Hi, Jenna!)

The first White valedictorian at Morehouse, an HBCU

As a student of higher education, I'm fascinated with this. I'm not sure how I feel about it, actually. What are your thoughts?

Graduate School Retirement: What it's like

I've always heard that people who go into retirement are actually busier than they were when they were working. Not being retired myself, I can only relate through my experience since finishing graduate school a week ago. In part, things are better because I'm sleeping better - less wear and tear on my mouth guard, and I'm sleeping shorter amounts of time. At first I thought that meant I was sleeping worse, like my body and mind didn't know what to do in the absence of stress, but I think it actually means that I'm sleeping better. I think the sleep I'm getting is less restless and fretful, and I'm waking up early because I am rested. That feels good, because I haven't really had that for a week straight in three years.

Among the things that are keeping me busy are pre-graduation events, pre-baptism events, and all of the deferred maintenance on me, especially my hair. Yesterday I went for a long walk outside, and despite the five mosquito bites I came home with, it was lovely. So, I have a haircut today, dinner with the cohort Sunday, we had a picnic last night, we're assembling programs tomorrow, we're meeting with the pastor tomorrow, too, and a realtor on Saturday and blah blah blah. All of the things that have been put off for anywhere between four months and three years are happening now!

I have not cracked my huge stack of growing magazines, and my knitting and quilting are dusty. I hope to pick those things back up over the summer.

My next project is to mimic this. You can check out the full list, Mighty Life: Things to Do Before I Go, here. I want to reflect on the things in my life, what I want to do and see. I am also taking a lesson from Mighty Girl and will begin to list the moments I hope pass before me before I die, those moments I hold sweetly in my head and mind.

Until then, I'm looking forward to the busy-ness of the next few weeks. Both the celebrations and the quiet moments. I've been waiting a long time just for time. And I think I've earned it.

Today is the day

Need I say more?

UPDATE: HOLY SHIT. My hands are still shaking.

Now that I can use my brain for other things...

this is blowing my mind!

Anagrams are fun! I know - I'm a loser. Ask Jenna about the conversation about Justin Timberlake's new album that we just had. Oh, wait. I think I promised her I wouldn't tell anyone about that.

Sorry, Jenna! Like I said, I hope you still love me after this month is over and done with.

:)

Grad School: RIP 2005 - 2008

I know it's a little premature, but I just finished my last paper for grad school and I am flipping out. It's 11:15 PM on Tuesday, April 29. Mark this day.

Impact final is done - 10 pages even, meeting neatly the 8 - 10 page range.

All I have left is to defend my case study (how casual I can be about that silly defense!) and I AM DONE. (Three more class sessions, but that's a formality at this point.)

It's been three years. Three long years of working, schooling, studying, cramming, writing, researching, reading, discussing, contemplating, struggling and cursing. Lots and lots of cursing.

Oh shit. What am I going to do with myself?

Song for Gram

Just weeks before my gram died I became obsessed with the song "Goin' Out" by Sarah Harmer, mostly because it reminded me of my gram and the comfort and love she made me feel throughout my life. The song just popped up on my iTunes playlist while I was writing my paper, and it still brings tears to my eyes thinking about her, and the love she left with us, and how very, very much I miss her spirit.

Goin' Out
When the days close on the memories that you’ve acquired
And your body cannot hold your soul inspired
You are here and not alone
Everybody has come home
There’s a bed made up upstairs
If you get tired

All the heaviness around you will get light
And your worry lifted up into the night
Left with nothing but pure love
Left with all you are made of
Can I stay around awhile
Is that all right?

Oh lives don’t end
We're goin’ out to be brought back again
Our lives don’t end

(You can listen to a sample here.)

Update to the update (updated again)(and again)(and again)

left to do:
defend case study
32 oz of UFO

done:
write Impact final
read for Impact final
Impact response paper
case study (38 pages done and handed in. early.)
case study planning (the plot is in my head and will soon be in PowerPoint)

ALMOST THERE! 10 days to go.

Great tips for Earth Day!

Go here to check this list of 50 easy things you can do!

Highlight

I have to say the highlight of my weekend happened when I was exiting the cafe where Tara and I had lunch yesterday and a guy on a bike rode by with both nads hanging out of his shorts, while they pressed against the bike seat.

Both. Nads.

An exchange Jenna and I just had:

hooperlindros (10:34:29 PM): hey!

Generator2376 (10:34:53 PM): WEIRDO - I was just thinking about you! I was about to look up one of your poems

hooperlindros (10:35:21 PM): I can write you a poem now if you want

Generator2376 (10:35:32 PM): let me guess:

Generator2376 (10:35:40 PM): roses are red

Generator2376 (10:35:44 PM): violets are blue

Generator2376 (10:35:49 PM): school sucks and

Generator2376 (10:35:51 PM): school sucks

My first act as a circus performer...

...watch closely (over the next several days) as I make items disappear from the list:

Left to Do:
prepare oral defense
defend the case study
read for Impact final
write Impact final
get drunk

Done:
edit 37 page Integrative capstone case study (it's now 38 pages and DONE)
five page Impact reaction paper

Defense

It's official - my oral defense is on Monday, May 5 at 1 PM. Please be very nice to me in the days leading up to that and in the hours immediately beforehand!

And in the hours afterward?

BUY ME A F*&%ING BEER!

PP,P2

= Pity Party, Part 2

I'm tired!!

Wahhh. I literally do not think I have ever been this tired in my life, outside of the stupid times stupid Val in stupid college stayed up stupidly all night long. But still, stupid Val in college didn't also work stupid full stupid time when she did that.

It has never taken me this long to write five pages. Ever. It would help if I could keep my eyes open, but come hell or high water, I am finishing this damn thing tonight IF IT KILLS ME.

KOOZA

Tara and I, along with her parents, went to see Cirque du Soleil's KOOZA last night, and it was truly magical. Full of traditional clowning and old-school circus acrobatics, it was really one of the most magical experiences of my life. I was held in the suspense of true wonder and curiosity for 3 hours straight!

Never mind that it was actually in the Grand Chapiteau, so it was old-time Big Top circus all-around! I think my favorite act of the night was the Unicycle Duo. They did tricks not unlike figure skating pairs, all while the male half of the duo skillfully peddled his unicycle, often balancing the female acrobat high in the air. The intimacy and trust required to perform this act was palpable, and only intensified the magic under the Top!

Of course, for heart-thumping, blood racing action, The Wheel of Death never disappoints! My favorite were their scaly pants and devil horn hair! Not to forget the contortionists, who twisted into unimaginable, complicated, and human-body-defying shapes!

This was my last hurrah before the final push for school, and what a way to go out! Left on the docket: edits to the 37 page Integrative final; write the 4 page response paper for Impact; read for and write the 10 page Impact final; and prepare and present my oral defense. I will be done three weeks from tomorrow, and I can't wait. I'm ready to graduate already so I can run off and become a circus performer!

Because I know you're curious

I am eating a granola bar, and I just ate a dried cherry so tart that it gave me that feeling in the back of my nose just like when you get chlorinated pool water sucked in the wrong way.

Weird.

Yowza!

Yesterday, as I was leaving class, I had in tow:

- my notebook and pen loose in my hands
- a 1/2 full water bottle
- my purse
- my backpack
- my car keys
- my cell phone
- a paper that just got handed back to me (19/20 points awarded!)

Not ten feet from my car I stubbed my toe, twisted my ankle, and I, the notebooks, the water bottle, my purse, my backpack, my car keys, my cell phone, and my paper all went flying and crashing to the ground. I scraped my hand, my knee (through my pants) and twisted my ankle and my back.

I'm sore today, but it's mostly my ego that's bruised. And man, it hurts!

First draft

I just sent my motherf&$%ing thirty seven page draft to my professor. I think it's done, except for minor changes. Yes, that's right. Possibly DONE except for some editing.

This means I have one four page paper and one 12 page paper left.

EVER. E. V. E. R.

OH MY GOD.

I am GIDDY and just finished dancing around the living room with Tara.

Video: Bob, being Bob

This is an old video from our old apartment - 2003, I think.

Image: Nephew

You're killing me, kid.

Image: Happy Birthday, Bob!

Today was Bob's 8th birthday. Needless to say, he was a little confused about why he couldn't eat the food already? Why was this thing burning in his food? Don't mommies know that I'm starving and they should give me that food instead of singing?! Why are they torturing me? It's MY BIRTHDAY!

Happy birthday, Bob! You fool!

Hiatus

You may not hear from me until May 9th. It's not you. It's me.

Oral defense: Monday, May 5 at 5 PM
Integrative Final Due (25 - 30 pages): Wednesday, May 7
College Impact Final Due (10 - 12 pages): Thursday, May 8
Die of Complete Exhaustion: Friday, May 9, then drive to Rochester for Harrison's birthday party
Wait for Graduation: May 12 - May 23 until 1:59 PM
Become Master: May 23, 2:00 PM
Begin Student loan repayment: six months later

For Gram

Like Sarah, I am posting the eulogy we delivered together at Gram's funeral. Yesterday was Easter, the secular version of which invariably reminds me of Gram. The last few weeks have been hard, and I have a few moments when I am thinking about something else entirely. These moments are sometimes punctuated with memories of her, or visions of her in her casket, or other moments from the last two weeks or of her eighty-eight years. In the end, she has given us so much, and though her physical body is gone from us, there are so many things, countless things, that I will carry with me for the rest of my life. I love you, Gram. Thank you for everything you have ever given us.
____________________________________

We want to talk a little about memory today. We want to talk about memory because, as most of you know, in the last few years of her life, our Grandmother lost much of her memory to Alzheimer's. Much of the time, she could not remember us, her beloved family and friends. On very bad days she could not remember even herself. It seems fitting, then, to honor her memory with remembrance and recollection.

You are a girl. There is the fresh sweet taste of still-warm milk on the farm; the family of skunks befriended one summer and visited every day in the fields; being scolded by your mother, our great grandma Gladys, for mussing the dress and Mary Janes you are forced to wear, even though you are a tomboy and invariably prefer trousers. The dresses never stop you from climbing every tree. You skin your knees. The patent leather shoes lie in a heap in the mud. You love your daddy, Freeman Ordway, and he adores you above all else.

There are near death experiences as a child, later retold with humorous sensationalism to wide-eyed grandchildren: a lightening strike on the house, with your hand just a few inches away from the post of a cast-iron bed, sheets scorched; an amusement park accident with a collapsed chair swing, returning the next day to find eyeglasses crunched next to a giant, steel support beam.

Later, as a teenager, you are carousing with Curly, with Vince, and your "gang" of friends, everyone smoking and drinking, all packed to overflowing in your cars and always going to country dances the next town or county over.

There is Curly, our grandpa, Clarence Richard Hooper, the love of your life. You go all over New York, Pennsylvania, and even Canada, to explore your love of music, especially organs and organ music. There are three children, first Douglas, then Donald, our father, and finally a girl—Martha. There are swimming trips and picnics. Silverware sewn to napkins with fine silver thread as an April Fool's prank. Piano lessons, Girl Scouts, county fairs, train exhibits, and home-sewn costumes. Vegetable gardens, perennials, annuals, iris beds, saplings, and raspberry canes. A pet bunny carried in your apron pocket. Beloved dogs Lady, Mugsy, Joey, Nicky, Mokey, Macduff, and Duffy. Cats too numerous to name. You are always scanning the skies—in the day for birds and at night for constellations, shooting stars, meteor showers, and eclipses. Your children grow. There are weddings and divorces. Grandchildren and great-grandchildren. Accounting class, pottery class, basket-weaving class. Lifetime subscriptions to Smithsonian, Nature, National Geographic, and Scientific American. Countless books and more books.

Later, when Curly retires, you come home every day at your lunch hour, from your job at the gas company, to make him lunch. This works out very well for Grandpa, since you are off from 12 to 1, Price is Right ends at noon, and Days of Our Lives starts at 1, so he has an hour free in his afternoon schedule. You have lunch together every single day. Many years later, after Curly's death, you play for me and my husband a record of organ music and recollect emotionally how this particular organist's hands remind you so much of Grandpa's when he played. It is the only time I have ever seen you cry, remembering your husband's hands and how they danced over the keys.

Then there are our own memories of you, like the flickering 5-4-3-2-1 countdown before an old black and white movie: the smell of fresh molasses cookies and the POP! of the cookie jar seal, or of fabric softener sheets, tucked into musty old volumes of Encyclopedia Brittanica.

There are old margarine containers, holding red coins from Michigan Kitty, orphaned boardgame pieces, or leftover cinnamon apples after Thanksgiving. There is a freezer full of pinkish applesauce in square Tupperware, TV dinners, orange push pops. Dead birds in plastic bags you rescued from the driveway or from the radiator grills of parked cars, and froze so you could examine them later.

There's the sweet treat of Lifesavers tucked neatly into the corner of the electric organ, a hideaway for mixed fruit, wintergreen, butterscotch. The measure of a perfect dollop of pear and fig filling in the center of a cookie. Angel food cake upside down, waiting to cool, ready to cover with sugared strawberries, handpicked raspberries, or to eat plain, with our fingers, swinging together on the back porch.

There is the taste of Dr. Pepper, which we bought with extra quarters you brought just for me, and sipped from fat glass bottles in the laundromat, waiting for the wash to dry, swinging my feet in the plastic chairs when my legs were too short for my feet to touch the ground.

There’s the smell of paper and ink, a dull brass key held tight in my hand, sweaty with responsibility as I move with purpose toward your Fillmore post office box, Number 51.

We traipse through Southern Tier cemeteries to find graves of long lost relations, Val and I gathering the discarded plastic flowers for our own morbid collection; we stand in the big farm kitchen, learning how to spoon flour into a measuring cup and scrape the excess with the flat back side of a knife. There are candy hunts on Easter morning with personalized riddles leading the way to each sugary treat. We are hunching over the dining room table over baking and science and sewing projects. We are reading Mary Jemison's autobiography together and then leaving flowers at her grave in Letchworth Park.

There’s me, leaning on the doorframe of your bedroom downstairs, watching as you ready yourself for a grocery trip "downtown." First, Listerine, then a thorough brush through your long, grey locks, carefully separating it into an even part, then braided and pinned neatly to your head until the braids meet, then cross, in the middle, ends tucked in. All this held in place with the familiar spray of White Rain Extra Hold. A quick flash of a toothy smile into the mirror to double-check. A tug of the shirt to straighten it out, wisping away any stray animal hairs. Perfection.

I am eight, and it is summertime and we are with you during summer vacation, like every summer before. It’s humid and sticky out during the days, but at night the air is biting and cool. You set up lawn chairs in the back yard and tuck us in up to our chins while we watch for shooting stars. For each one we see, you ask us to say a wish out loud. I thank the stars for you. Before bed time, you bring us mason jars to collect lightening bugs, and we marvel at them glowing inside the jars and in suspension above the irises. Before we sleep, we open the lids and release them into the night air. We whisper, “Goodbye. And thank you.”

You are calling to the chickadees, listening to the quiet whirr of hummingbirds in flight. You reply to each piercing squawk of the nearby cardinal or jay. You laugh when I shave my fingernail into the batch of butter pickles we are making. This summer, there's a litter of bunnies borrowed from a farmer friend, on loan just for us.

Finally, here I am, tucked into bed in my own father's childhood room, the room where I was brought first as an infant, just back from the hospital. It's a few years later, I am bundled under high quilts with stories—House at Pooh Corner. Later again in the bed, as a teenager, exhausted from a night of late talking or rummy. Finally, in the end, as a woman, with my husband beside me. You kiss us both, tuck us in, like children, then go singing down the stairs and into the night.

Thank you, Gram. Thank you for your memory.

Image: Grandmother

Goodbye, sweet lady. I love you more than you could ever know.

Making Peace

I've had several epiphanies over the last several days, and I am officially making peace with the work I have to do over the next 2 1/2 months. The bottom line is:

- it has to be done
- it will end at some point
- I can do it

I am looking forward to May 23, and also certain stops along the way. I have to be OK with it. I have chosen this.

(Can you see me still convincing myself?)

bad day

Today was a bad day. A bad, bad day. Not for any particular reason, just because of the combination of 1,000,000 little and semi-little things that added up to too much stress.

The only consolation is that with tonight's class getting over, I have only 19 classes left until I'm done, and boy am I ready.

I'm exhausted.

Valerie: Version 3.0

I will post soon about my recent upgrade and the subsequent weekend away with Tara. It was really a wonderful weekend together, and was the recharge I needed to get through the next few months of really busting my ass in order to graduate, among other things.

Onto the next things in my life...and I'm looking forward to them all.

Thank you to those who called, sent cards, sent balloons, sent pictures of balloons (Griffy) and many other wonderful ways to show me that I am special to you. I appreciate you more than you know.

With love,
Val

Image: Jenna, I'm just not sure how I feel about the fact that this is even a possibility

Image: Sisters

I think if anything, Sarah and I can thank our parents for our good teeth.

Image: Eyes

I sure hope our baby has Tara's eyes.

Three things

1. Go, Obama, go!
2. If Romney wins anything close to the presidency, I'm moving to Canada.
3. Not sure if I'm ready for President Hillary. Jury is still out.

Now from the F***ed Up News from Missisippi Department...

http://billstatus.ls.state.ms.us/2008/pdf/history/HB/HB0282.xml

There is currently a bill being proposed that would require restaurants in Mississippi to ask patrons to step on scales to determine Body Mass Index before dining in their restaurant as a means to address the obesity issue in that state. If the BMIias found to be too high, the restaurant would be legally bound to deny them service, and turn them away.

Apparently, lawmakers in Mississippi haven't learned several things, including that people can't only get food in restaurants, and, oh, that there are 400 million other ways to change people's habits with food and develop healthier relationships with themselves and their environment.

Oh. My. God.

What is family?

On Monday, Tara and I were honored to attend our Godson Gus's adoption. His parents, Lisa and Tanya, invited us to witness their hearing in family court, a process that legally formalized Lisa's role as Gus's mother and provided both Lisa and Tanya (Gus's birth mother) with the same rights. It was an emotional week leading up to the adoption ceremony, as Tanya just returned to work after three months at home with Mr. Gus, and the daycare/work/family time dance began. Needless to say, the three months of sleepless nights, agonizing over daycare drop-off, shit-filled diapers, and other pleasures of new motherhood have not really made Lisa feel like she needed to be validated as his mother. Who else has been more of a mother to him than each of the two of them? No one. But there are these hoops, and sometimes, we have to jump through them.

Ultimately, it was really a beautiful ceremony, one that acknowledged Lisa more than it asked her to prove herself to the court or the judge. And though we celebrated their legalization as a family, and each day we try to honor the intimacy they create between the three of them, the bottom line is that they were a family before Gus arrived. They were a family when Tanya got pregnant and Lisa was there holding her hand. They were a family during all nine months and four days of her pregnancy, and, I believe, they will always be a family in God's eyes. No matter what the law says. No matter what some Christian politician says. No matter what anyone else says. I see them, and I see what's in their hearts, and nothing could be clearer to me in the world.

It's the final countdown!

Classes start tomorrow, and 14 short Wednesday/Thursday combos after that? I gradgimitate. It's going to be wonderful!

So, mark it: as of today, the countdown is 28 classes.

Rock it.

Image: The Germ himself

Image: Fallout

Considering I'm recovering from what is possibly the worst cold I've ever had in my ENTIRE life, I'm just posting a picture for now.

Fallout from playing with Germy Harrison at my parents' house this weekend.

Grades are up!

I got an A- in Student Life Research and an A in Leadership in Higher Education. I thought the grades would be reversed, but I'm pleased anyway.

I also completed my practicum with a PASS/SAT and now I'm rocking a 3.9 GPA. Not bad for full-time plus job plus partish/fullish time school.

Dare I say it - I'm proud of myself. Oh, and I'm going to be done in FOUR MONTHS!

Wahoooooooo!

Resolutions

I've never really been big on New Year's Eve plans, but one of my favorite parts of the change of the year happens on New Year's Day. Each year, after Christmas, we buy a new calendar for the year - the house calendar. This is where we put family and friend birthdays, anniversaries, planned visits, car maintenance, dentist and doctor appointments, days off from work, paydays, vacations - anything that's really relevant to Tara's and my schedule. I love picking out a new calendar, flipping though it to check out the pictures, and going through page by page against the old calendar and thinking about each thing that's written in the old calendar before transferring the birthday or event over to the new calendar.

Last year, we had the New York Audubon society calendar, and each month we turned to a new Audubon illustration that reminded me more of my grandmother than the last month's illustration, and one in particular was my favorite:


This year, we got the National Geographic American Landscapes 2008 calendar, and on New Year's Day I went through 2007 before putting it in the recycling. It was fun to think about everything we did last year, Tara's graduation, Bermuda, and all the other things we were lucky enough to do. When I got to October my heart dropped. Now, I'm not a big believer in New Year's resolutions, but when I saw this I vowed never to have another October like this, the busiest month of my life/our lives/Tara's life:



Though this year promises to be busy with other things, including another busy travel season for Tara in the Fall, I will not be in school. This will make a huge difference and allow me to better take care of the house while Tara is away. This year it was absolutely too much for me to do work, school, and all the homemaking. I'm looking forward to one of those significant obligations to be done soon. In May. On the 23rd. Not that I'm counting.

Oh, and now a random picture of C. Bob we took that I think is funny. Here's the back story: we bought a new pet carrier for the cats and there were labels inside in case you used the pet carrier on the plane. We made some additions that seemed more appropriate for our animals than the original version of the sticker: