Not for the squeamish!

OWWWWWW!!

Sometimes at the end of the day I get sick and tired of sitting face-forward in my office chair so if I'm sort of checked out by 4, I spin my chair around and kneel on the seat, elbows on my desk. It makes my back and legs and shoulders feel better, and while it inhibits my typing mobility, I find myself in this position at least three times a week.

All of my weight rests on the back of the chair, which has to be the perfect distance away from the desk in order to be properly supported by the edge of the desk while I maneuver some weird alien typing position. If the phone rings there is balancing and leaning and all kinds of acrobatics necessary to not have the entire ridiculous system go flying into the air in an eruption of phone, arms, pencils, feet, and keyboard. I've been working for a long time to achieve this balance.

Today I was in my usual position when I moved my hand to do something on my desk. Without realizing it, this set in motion a very painful lesson for me. As I reached out for whatever it was I wanted, I managed to push the chair back out of balance, hurtling it towards the desk's edge. Normally, this would not be an issue, but since I was reaching, the planets aligned to place perfectly that tender tag of skin, nerves, and tissue that adorns my breast between the edge of the desk and the chair, in perfect position for my chairback closing in for a good hard pinch, then squeeze, then crush.

I screamed, "OWWWW!" but could accept no sympathies because I didn't want to explain what I had done! I quickly lifted my body weight off of the chair and had to actually check for (1) continued connectedness and (2) blood. It was a horrible, horrible low, and while things are not bleeding and still connected, I hope my hypothetical baby doesn't mind always being stuck on the one working side that's left. I think the other side has been pinched off and sealed for good.