When I was a kid my grandmother’s house was my safe space. It was there that I learned to explore my creativity and open my heart to whatever ideas and thoughts I had, or dared to have. Gram was like that little packet of nutrients you put in cut flowers when you get them: I was already a bloom, but she helped me be stronger, more vibrant, vital, and fortified. She nourished my whole being, and I think often about how she would help me solve a problem if I was able to ask her for advice now.
After Tara and I were married almost a year ago, I started learning about my spiritual life in a new way. The day we were married was a day that changed me forever. Yes, because I entered into this partnership with an amazing woman who supports me, loves me, and nurtures me like no other, but also because I gleaned a new relationship with God that day. In the middle of the outdoors, standing in a brilliant, blooming garden, with our closest family and friends present, the sun shining down more beautifully than I had ever imagined, I was reborn.
Bogged down with all of the legal and state issues of the year before, I was beginning to feel run down with all the resulting pain and anger from the ongoing argument. Tara and I watched, every night sometimes, people debate the validity of our existence, our morality, and our love. Senators, Representatives, and even Presidents (gasp!) would say some of the most cruel and most horrible things I’ve ever heard, and all in the name of God. And despite my Roman Catholic upbringing, I have yet to see evidence that God wants us to hate anyone.
It was that day, in that garden, that I felt God’s presence truly with me. It was a feeling that the most powerful thing in the entire world was God’s grace bringing that group of people together and harnessing the awesome power that comes from collective love. Throughout the ceremony I was overwhelmed and started to cry. Part of me was crying because I was moved by the words I said to make this awesome commitment to my love. The other part was the feeling of being so deeply moved, fortified, and nourished by Gods love at that exact moment that I could no longer hold it together. God brought these people to my life. God strengthened us to persevere through the mangling of Christ’s teachings. God stands allied with love, not with hatred.
The minister who married us recently left the chapel where we worshipped with her. She has been called to preach at a huge old church about 7 miles from where we live, and we will follow her there to worship. This building has loads of deferred maintenance, paint peeling and falling from the ceiling, and lots of cleanup. At base, it is a stunning 200 year old church which needs some love and care. The waning congregation of only 15 people needs some revitalization. In the two months since Andrea was named pastor, the congregation has doubled, the ceiling is in the process of being repainted (with LOADS of volunteers and donations to make it possible), and we have forged new relationships between the newcomers and the folks who have attended church there their entire lives. In this transformation, I have found a new safe space in the church and with Rev. Andrea. I have learned to question and think and explore. I have learned that believing in God means asking questions, and that often those questions don’t have answers.
1 comment:
So beautiful Val. You are a gift to me!
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